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Full of contradictions, Fighting to unravel the Mysteries & discover my True calling and make others discover theirs through Thought-Provoking Life Path posts.Come join me in the quest for peace, discovery and knowledge. Share & View your reflections in the journey with my Words , Meet Me & Meet yourself on this pebbly road, deep trench and steep slope called – The Life Path….

The Point of No Return…Home December 31, 2010

The Point of No Return …. HOME!!

I don’t know what to do and where to go. In a tiny expanse of a second, I am hugely split in a multitude of  directions. Like there is no clue to where the path lies or a branch ends with its various leaves hanging at every inch of it; each coming to an end where the leaf hangs. Is it not wrong? Is it not wrong a place to look at? For the destination of destiny can’t be so short lived to arrive at an end so near. The density of the leaves create a hay wired of emotions; sentiments so mix and intermixed that clarity seems so unfathomable to reach. The branch though seems quite logical as it runs long and deep with every passing wave of time that breaks when it has reached its most practically attainable height/limit.

Yet another year rolls its sleeves and the cloth of life is a little more shorter than it was. Time awaits time when it would just be enough to cover the bare necessities from the world around, marking a transition to a new era where comfy blankets of ultimate and unimaginable solace await the longing soul. The depth of the unfathomable soul that departs home could be achieved or perhaps there would no longer remain the infinite thirst of drinking from the fountain of youth.  The ageless reality might dawn upon the seeker and yet there might not remain any gravity to the new discoverable fact.

Though a realization might accompany, a truth that seems hugely likely that the inherent seeking nature of the bearer was just a behaviour; a behaviour rubbed off from the bodily and material surroundings. Or rather a seed cultivated by the Maker to remind continuously and continually, consciously and unconsciously of the absolute reality of the origin to the mass of the earthly being. The point of origin deems so likely to be the point of true return in this case. The Point of No Return.  A point so important and inevitable that the Source itself wouldn’t have let without embedding it in the creation. A point of reference to track back its path to the celestial abode that awaits to embrace the tortured, brutalized and abandoned soul.

This does arise a question in the quest …..though. The chemistry of the humanly attire is blessed with the ability to recognize References. Why would there be a reason to create References? The existence of time and passage is only felt through this mere consequence and innate ability of Reference.  Could the reason be more than the mere knowledge of past , present and future in what we call and know about our time on this planet? Could the real reason run far more deep than it seems apparently? The concise answer to that seems vague in absolute terms but a tangent to the answer might unveil the fact that it is required to establish a connection to the Absolute Reality. Whatever the physics, chemistry, biology or for that matter any other science relates to the points of references, the spiritual reality was the true essence of laying its foundation I believe. Without Reference, there wouldn’t be any urge to find, any desire to travel back home to the Point of No Return!!

The Bearer, The Seeker , The Searcher Holds its Breath Till The Façade Drops! Breathless; Speechless; in Awe and Aspiration clutching on tightly to the only remnants of the wildly insane inspiration and wishing Not to Die before Death embraces and makes itself known with its gentle outlandishly brutal Touch.

 

An unacceptable Realization May 22, 2009

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As I stepped out of the car, the beautiful July afternoon woven with threads of golden sunshine passed through me. The dazzling, sunny day was about to come to an end. Another leaf was about to be turned in my tree of life. And history was to be written once again.

I looked up and noticed the half moon boldly standing out opposite the orange globe like sun, not intimidated by its dominant demeanor anymore. Flock of birds dashed across the ever enchanting multihued sky; their black color contrasting well with the orange ball. My eyes scanned to search any flaw in this nature’s painting, even of a tiny sort but found none. Right then the cool breeze gently kissed my cheeks to just add that last touch of perfection to it.

To match this electric ambience was the semi circle around my heart shaped lips formed by the mirthful smile on my face. The idea of visiting my friends in London was appealing enough and quite evidently my eyes shone with its brilliance.

Grandpa had come to see me off at the airport. Surprising enough was the fact that he never came to drop anyone before but he insisted that he will come along this time. He would be long gone before my return and this was the last chance of seeing him. Little did I know that it would turn out to be so.

As I unloaded the car and neatly arranged the luggage on the passenger quick drop-off area, I bid farewell to all. There was much traffic around. I could see a traffic police officer couple of yards away from where I stood, eager to write tickets for the vacant cars that occupied the no parking area. People getting off the vehicles, luggage getting stacked up at the pavement, passengers rushing into the departure lounge – their eyes confused and searching for signs and directions, greetings getting exchanged, a tear in an eye or two, many overwhelming scenes occupying the environs. Flood of emotions surrounded me, piling up inside me. Such great was the speed with which they hit me, that I found a snag in coping up with them at one stage.

I forcefully pulled myself back from sinking in this poignant whirlpool and turned my attention to the figure standing before me. There was a detectable glow that encompassed him. The surroundings echoed with this unmatchable radiance and the whole spectacle enthralled me, generating a great sense of peace inside me.

The commotional waves in the sea of emotion that bordered me died instantly. The pure white of his dress made him look even holier blending well with his persona. I looked at him and smiled, letting some of the holy vibrations, get absorbed. His aura transcended mine transecting at some point to unify. It felt sensational! Emotionally over charged, I clutched him putting my arms around and hugged him good bye.

In that very nano second, something hit me hard like a blazing fire. A voice deep down inside me said: What if this is actually the last time you will see him? Astonished and moved by this strange foreign occupancy, I tried hard to fight back leaving no room for it to settle down. “This is non-sense”, I made it clear to myself. But somehow I couldn’t shove off the eerie feeling that lingered with this eccentric voice. Somehow I knew this wasn’t deliberate.

Deeply troubled by this foreign invasion, I still wasn’t ready to throw myself at the mercy of this intruder. “It is just my imagination running wild”, I assured myself. I wasn’t going to let it get the better of me at least in this instance.

Still struggling to combat these thoughts, I gazed up to realize the inconspicuousness of the white clouds occupying the vast expanse of the lucid, slatey sky. A surreal quietness surpassed them creating a lingering affect on the observer. I moved my eyes around not knowing what I was searching for and came back to the origin.

Standing face to face with the pinkish, orange ball blocked by grandpa’s tall and slender body, it seemed as if the source of light lied within him, the glow of it dispersing around his white attire. Illuminating the entire vicinity, these colorful rays felt as if they have been carrying information from some distant future and finally as they passed into my eyes and died inside, they etched their meanings inside me. I couldn’t come to terms with this piece of information that got registered inside me. My feet felt firmly fixed to the ground as if refusing to move. I wanted to stand there and keep talking to him and not just say Good bye and leave.

Something felt shattering inside me and I wanted to scream to vent the pain out. My heart was about to burst with the unhandled stream of over dosed sentiments yet I stood there motionless, feeling as if something had been dug deep into my heart tearing it apart. Pain shot through my body like a current. Unable to bear this torment, I wanted to cry out of unbearable hurt. What I did though was completely different. I smiled at him and grabbed on to my bag’s handle and walked hurriedly towards the departure area, not turning around. I felt his eyes following me but didn’t look back, scared to let the moments turn into future.

As I passed the security check, I forgot all about the small episode inside me concentrating on the task at hand. The world moved once again at an enormous pace. I looked at the clock in the hall opposite to me and realized how terribly late I was and rushed towards the gate, gasping for air, not stopping until I reached it. As I settled in my seat comfortably, I felt relieved.

Within few minutes of taking off, the plane soared high into the skies. I looked down, overtaken by the serene thought of how the heavens look down at us awaiting our arrival with both hands. The tiny thought was vast enough to last for the short journey.

Next year another person’s transition was over to finally return home. Left behind were the sweet memories of the person that was very much dear to me.

by Zuellah Huma Ahmed

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